Sex Therapy
Sex Therapy
What It Actually Involves & When It Might Help
What It Actually Involves & When It Might Help
Maybe you and your partner keep having the same conversation about wanting sex at different times, and somehow neither of you feels understood afterward. Or maybe you've started worrying about whether you'll stay hard before sex even begins. Then someone mentions sex therapy, and you're not quite sure what that would actually involve.
Maybe you and your partner keep having the same conversation about wanting sex at different times, and somehow neither of you feels understood afterward. Or maybe you've started worrying about whether you'll stay hard before sex even begins. Then someone mentions sex therapy, and you're not quite sure what that would actually involve.
You might picture a guy sitting with a therapist trying to get out of his own head about sex. And that can certainly be part of it. But sex therapy can be just as much about what happens between two people as what one person is struggling with. Sometimes you go on your own. Other times, you and a partner go together to work through something neither of you has been able to resolve.
You might picture a guy sitting with a therapist trying to get out of his own head about sex. And that can certainly be part of it. But sex therapy can be just as much about what happens between two people as what one person is struggling with. Sometimes you go on your own. Other times, you and a partner go together to work through something neither of you has been able to resolve.
So what actually happens? Do you just sit there talking about your sex life? Does someone give you advice about what to do in bed? Sex therapy does involve talking about your sex life, but it can also give you practical ways to work through whatever's been making sex difficult, frustrating, or less enjoyable than you'd like.
So what actually happens? Do you just sit there talking about your sex life? Does someone give you advice about what to do in bed? Sex therapy does involve talking about your sex life, but it can also give you practical ways to work through whatever's been making sex difficult, frustrating, or less enjoyable than you'd like.
What Sex Therapy Actually Is
What Sex Therapy Actually Is
Sex therapy is essentially talk therapy focused on sex and the things that can make it more complicated than we'd like. Sex therapists are usually licensed mental health professionals who've had additional training in sexuality, sexual function, and relationships. A couples therapist might focus on your relationship more broadly, while sex therapy puts sexual concerns at the center of the conversation. Some therapists specialize in both.
Sex therapy is essentially talk therapy focused on sex and the things that can make it more complicated than we'd like. Sex therapists are usually licensed mental health professionals who've had additional training in sexuality, sexual function, and relationships. A couples therapist might focus on your relationship more broadly, while sex therapy puts sexual concerns at the center of the conversation. Some therapists specialize in both.
Some people see a sex therapist because they're having trouble getting or maintaining erections. Others are struggling with premature ejaculation, difficulty reaching orgasm, changes in desire, or feeling comfortable with their sexuality. Couples might want help navigating differences in what they enjoy, how often they want sex, or how they communicate about it.
Some people see a sex therapist because they're having trouble getting or maintaining erections. Others are struggling with premature ejaculation, difficulty reaching orgasm, changes in desire, or feeling comfortable with their sexuality. Couples might want help navigating differences in what they enjoy, how often they want sex, or how they communicate about it.
And sometimes everything seems to be working physically, but sex has become something you worry about more than you enjoy. You might spend so much time wondering whether you're satisfying your partner or doing things the right way that it's hard to relax and pay attention to what you're actually feeling.
And sometimes everything seems to be working physically, but sex has become something you worry about more than you enjoy. You might spend so much time wondering whether you're satisfying your partner or doing things the right way that it's hard to relax and pay attention to what you're actually feeling.
That doesn't mean a sex therapist will assume everything is psychological. Medications, health conditions, hormones, pain, and other physical factors can all affect sex. Sometimes working with a sex therapist makes sense alongside medical treatment rather than instead of it.
That doesn't mean a sex therapist will assume everything is psychological. Medications, health conditions, hormones, pain, and other physical factors can all affect sex. Sometimes working with a sex therapist makes sense alongside medical treatment rather than instead of it.
What Happens During Sex Therapy
What Happens During Sex Therapy
Your first appointment is usually a conversation about what's been going on. A therapist might ask what brought you in, when things started feeling different, what sex was like before, and what you're hoping will change. They may also ask about your health, relationships, past sexual experiences, and the expectations you've developed around sex over time.
Your first appointment is usually a conversation about what's been going on. A therapist might ask what brought you in, when things started feeling different, what sex was like before, and what you're hoping will change. They may also ask about your health, relationships, past sexual experiences, and the expectations you've developed around sex over time.
That can sound pretty personal, and it is. But you don't have to walk in with a perfectly organized explanation of everything that's bothering you. You might know that sex has become frustrating without being entirely sure why. You can attend sessions on your own or with a partner, depending on what you're working through. And despite what the name might suggest, sex therapy doesn't involve getting undressed, having sex, or engaging in sexual activities with your therapist.
That can sound pretty personal, and it is. But you don't have to walk in with a perfectly organized explanation of everything that's bothering you. You might know that sex has become frustrating without being entirely sure why. You can attend sessions on your own or with a partner, depending on what you're working through. And despite what the name might suggest, sex therapy doesn't involve getting undressed, having sex, or engaging in sexual activities with your therapist.
Sometimes a therapist will also give you something to try between sessions. That might involve paying attention to how you respond when something doesn't go as expected during sex, practicing a different way of communicating with your partner, or exploring the expectations you've developed about how sex is supposed to happen.
Sometimes a therapist will also give you something to try between sessions. That might involve paying attention to how you respond when something doesn't go as expected during sex, practicing a different way of communicating with your partner, or exploring the expectations you've developed about how sex is supposed to happen.
Some therapists also use an approach called sensate focus, which involves exercises designed to help people reconnect with physical sensation without making sexual performance the goal. For example, a couple who's gotten caught up in worrying about erections might be encouraged to spend time touching and enjoying each other without trying to have penetrative sex or reach orgasm. Instead of constantly wondering whether someone's getting hard enough or whether things are progressing the way they should, the focus is on noticing what the touch actually feels like without trying to make anything happen.
Some therapists also use an approach called sensate focus, which involves exercises designed to help people reconnect with physical sensation without making sexual performance the goal. For example, a couple who's gotten caught up in worrying about erections might be encouraged to spend time touching and enjoying each other without trying to have penetrative sex or reach orgasm. Instead of constantly wondering whether someone's getting hard enough or whether things are progressing the way they should, the focus is on noticing what the touch actually feels like without trying to make anything happen.
What Working on a Sexual Problem Can Look Like
What Working on a Sexual Problem Can Look Like
If you've started constantly checking your erections during sex, a therapist might help you recognize when that habit takes over and practice responding differently when your erection changes. Instead of treating every fluctuation as a problem that needs fixing, you might work on staying engaged with what you're enjoying.
If you've started constantly checking your erections during sex, a therapist might help you recognize when that habit takes over and practice responding differently when your erection changes. Instead of treating every fluctuation as a problem that needs fixing, you might work on staying engaged with what you're enjoying.
Maybe you and your partner have very different levels of sexual desire. One of you feels rejected when sex doesn't happen, while the other feels increasingly pressured whenever it comes up. A therapist might help you understand how those reactions have developed, find ways to talk about sex without turning every conversation into an argument, and explore what intimacy could look like when neither person feels obligated to participate.
Maybe you and your partner have very different levels of sexual desire. One of you feels rejected when sex doesn't happen, while the other feels increasingly pressured whenever it comes up. A therapist might help you understand how those reactions have developed, find ways to talk about sex without turning every conversation into an argument, and explore what intimacy could look like when neither person feels obligated to participate.
The goal isn't necessarily to get the partner with less desire to want more sex. It's to understand what each of you wants, what might be contributing to the difference, and how to build a sexual relationship that feels good to both of you.
The goal isn't necessarily to get the partner with less desire to want more sex. It's to understand what each of you wants, what might be contributing to the difference, and how to build a sexual relationship that feels good to both of you.
Someone struggling to reach orgasm might work on something different again. Maybe finishing is easy during masturbation but frustratingly difficult with a partner. A therapist might explore what changes between those experiences, how comfortable you feel communicating about stimulation, or whether you've started putting so much pressure on reaching orgasm that it's becoming harder to enjoy everything leading up to it.
Someone struggling to reach orgasm might work on something different again. Maybe finishing is easy during masturbation but frustratingly difficult with a partner. A therapist might explore what changes between those experiences, how comfortable you feel communicating about stimulation, or whether you've started putting so much pressure on reaching orgasm that it's becoming harder to enjoy everything leading up to it.
When Sex Therapy Might Make Sense
When Sex Therapy Might Make Sense
Sex therapy might be worth considering when worries about sex start affecting what you do, when you've tried working through a problem but keep finding yourself back in the same place, or when you and a partner can't seem to have a productive conversation about something that's bothering you. Sometimes the issue is something you've been dealing with for years. Other times, it's a relatively recent change that's starting to affect how you feel about sex or yourself.
Sex therapy might be worth considering when worries about sex start affecting what you do, when you've tried working through a problem but keep finding yourself back in the same place, or when you and a partner can't seem to have a productive conversation about something that's bothering you. Sometimes the issue is something you've been dealing with for years. Other times, it's a relatively recent change that's starting to affect how you feel about sex or yourself.
If you're interested in finding someone, look for a licensed mental health professional with specific training and experience in sexual concerns. Certification through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) is one way to identify therapists who've completed additional training and supervised clinical work in this area.
If you're interested in finding someone, look for a licensed mental health professional with specific training and experience in sexual concerns. Certification through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) is one way to identify therapists who've completed additional training and supervised clinical work in this area.
You can also ask about their experience with whatever you're dealing with, whether they work with individuals or couples, and what their approach to treatment typically looks like. It's worth understanding how someone would approach your particular concerns before deciding whether they're the right person to work with.
You can also ask about their experience with whatever you're dealing with, whether they work with individuals or couples, and what their approach to treatment typically looks like. It's worth understanding how someone would approach your particular concerns before deciding whether they're the right person to work with.
Essays on Sex Therapy
Essays on Sex Therapy
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